What Are The Odds
by badpirate
Summary: Very very low, I should think... HR/SB, one-shot


**Author's Note**: This was written during a weeklong fanfiction challenge I did over at my sketch/fic blog. For more details, please look through the archives of hremail-livejournal-com!

****Strong Bad watched in a mix of horror and humiliation as the bottle came to a stop, pointed squarely at Homestar Runner.

"Absolutely not," he growled at a snickering The Cheat. "I get a re-spin. That-" He pointed across the table at Homestar. "-is never gonna happen."

"You know what happens if you re-spin," The Cheat reminded him through his fit of giggles.

Strong Bad's brow furrowed. Of course he knew what was going to happen. He and the other boys gladly listened in silence as Champeen and Marzipan got better acquainted in his hall closet for 'seven minutes in heaven' (Homestar still seemed sore about that- a peck on the lips was one thing, but a foreign tongue in his girlfriend's mouth was something else entirely). There was no re-spin after that.

He looked around the table. Marzipan. Champeen. That pink haired girl Pom Pom brought with him. Pom Pom, of course. The Cheat.

And Homestar.

His eyes narrowed. Not the best odds, but he had a solid 50% chance of landing on a hot chick. And out of those hot chicks, he had an even better chance of scoring not just a closet-bound makeout session but something more. The Hurricane (or whatever her name was, that hardly mattered) had been flirting with him all night.

Pom Pom would probably just let him play with his cool new cellphone should they get thrown in together. And The Cheat, well, there were a lot of caper-related plans one could come up with in seven minutes. That was tolerable.

Strong Bad reached for the bottle. "I know the risks," he snorted. He flicked the bottle and it spun rapidly. It came to a near-stop, and Strong Bad's hopes got a little high when it seemed to land on The Hurricane.

But somewhere, from another room in the house, a huge crash shook the floor, edging the mouth of the bottle a little to the left.

Homestar grinned weakly. "Well, what are the odds?"

"NO," Strong Bad insisted stubbornly. "Abso-fricken-lutely _not_! This is rigged, it's gotta be, there's no way it would land on him twice in a row if it wasn't!"

He sat on the edge of the couch, arms weaved tightly across his chest. "You can forget it."

The Cheat glanced up at Pom Pom and motioned to his friend. "Would you do the honors?" Homestar had already gotten up and hesitantly inched his way to the closet.

Pom Pom cracked his knuckles and hoisted Strong Bad up by the shoulders, easily pushing him towards the closet. Strong Bad dug his heels into the carpet in protest, but Pom Pom muscled him into the closed quarters with Homestar.

The door closed behind them and clicked, audibly locking. "Seven minutes, guys!"

"Youstupidlittlepieceofcrap! When I get outta here I'm gonn-" Strong Bad pounded on the door angrily.

"Seven minutes~," The Cheat sang loudly, interrupting him.

He glared hatefully at the door- or at least, did until a light snagged his attention. Homestar had leaned into a corner and was checking his phone. "You are so dramatic."

"I am not being dramatic, I'm being reasonable! Who would send two dudes into the closet for seven minutes in heaven? A couple of perverts, that's who," Strong Bad huffed in reply.

"You didn't have a problem when Marzipan and Champeen were in here," Homestar reminded him dryly.

"They are two hot blonde girls. Two hot blonde girls should makeout."

Homestar rolled his eyes and snapped his phone shut. "Well, you can relax. I'm not exactly jumping for joy about this either. We just gotta wait it out."

Strong Bad leaned against the other wall, still pouting. "You don't get it. There's a hot girl out there with pink hair that wants to have sex with me."

"She does?"

"...she _will_, but not if she thinks I made out with a skinny little beanpole," he sneered.

"I think everyone knows we're not making out in here," Homestar pointed out, amused. He eyed the door.

"No, they don't," Strong Bad snapped. "They think we are. And it doesn't even matter if we don't, because as long as they think we are the damage is done." He scowled at his feet.

Homestar went quiet at that. "Then maybe we should."

Strong Bad glared up at him. "...what?"

"You said so yourself, the damage's been done," he shrugged. "If they think we're making out anyway, what's the harm in actually doing it?"

"You gotta be kidding me. You did not just suggest that we actually suck face in here."

Homestar shrugged. "I'm bored and it would pass the time."

Strong Bad shook his head in disbelief. "...no. No. Holy crap, just _no._ On so many different levels, no."

Despite the protest, Homestar leaned forward, bridging the gap between them until it was mere few inches. He smirked. "Your lips say no but your eyes say-"

"_Fuck_ no." Strong Bad went stiff, arms crossed across his chest in spite of Homestar's advances. He kneed his hips away as best he could. "Knock it off, you frea-"

He was interrupted when Homestar's mouth descended on his own. Truth be told, he had assumed Homestar was just trying to be funny, that he was simply trying to amuse himself while they ate up their time left. He assumed that he hadn't- nay, _couldn't_ have been serious.

Well, you know what happens when you assume.

Strong Bad shoved him off when his brain rebooted a moment later. "WHAT THE HELL, MAN." He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand over-dramatically. "NOT COOL."

Homestar winced and rubbed his chest where Strong Bad's palms had needled painfully into his ribcage. "Jeez! Watch it, that hurt."

"I'm glad it hurt!" Strong Bad snapped. "What the hell was that? You don't just get to k-" He shook his head angrily. "-kiss me out of the blue like that!"

"Fine. _May_ I kiss you?" Homestar asked irritably.

Strong Bad's jaw dropped. "Wha... _no!_"

"So I can't kiss you even if I ask? Lame."

"Not lame! Normal. Straight. Heterosexual. Not lame, just not... augh." Strong Bad buried his face into his hand. "I can't believe I even have to say this. How stupid can one guy be?"

Homestar snorted. "I dunno, but you're being pretty stupid now. Are you even paying attention to the time?" He thumbed to the door. "They're listening, in case you haven't noticed."

Strong Bad removed his hand and looked towards the door. It had been awfully quiet since they'd been pushed into the closet, come to think of it. That silence stopped abruptly, replaced with mumbling chitchat and a fumbling attempt to restart the party's music.

"They aren't gonna let us out until we start making out," Homestar continued. He knocked on the door, which prompted a sharp 'ow' from a The Cheat-like voice, his ear having been pressed to the door. "So we can either stand here and wait for them to get bored, or we can get it over with."

His closet mate still seemed focused on the door. "They're... listening?"

"Yep."

Strong Bad went quiet. "Well..." he said, bringing his voice to a low whisper. "... now what?"

Homestar tilted his chin up and smirked. "What do you think?"

"You can't be serious," Strong Bad hissed, pulling away. "I'm not putting on a show for a bunch of perverts."

"You are such a spoilsport," Homestar sighed, pouting slightly. "It's just a kiss."

"Making out is not 'just a kiss'," Strong Bad said flatly. "Not if you're doing it right."

"Then show me how to do it right."

Strong Bad blinked, taken aback by the challenge. He looked between Homestar and the door. It wouldn't _kill_ him, and he'd done worse things for less of a payoff. He flinched and focused his eyes on the bright white star adorning Homestar's chest.

"Fine." He grabbed his shirt and pulled down into a kiss, which Homestar eagerly returned. Maybe a little too eagerly. Strong Bad again kneed his hips away irritably, turning his head to the side to tell him to keep his hands and other body parts to himself. But Homestar just continued kissing him, focus now on his neck. Strong Bad's mouth snapped shut. The trail of slow, firm kisses up his jawline drove any protests he had out of mind.

Holy hell.

He relaxed his leg and redirected Homestar's lips back to his, tongue wriggling into his half-open mouth. The athlete sighed through his nose appreciatively, a soft half moan escaping his throat when Strong Bad's hips jutted forward to meet his. A hesitant hand proceeded up Strong Bad's thigh, individual fingers shyly brushing his side. They seeked approval, and Strong Bad granted it when he snaked his arms around Homestar's neck, dragging them impossibly closer together.

Holy _hell._

They were distracted, lost in each other's mouths, neither noticing the click of the door unlocking moments later. It wasn't until it opened, sliver of light expanding and illuminating the closet, that they snapped to attention.

Homestar pulled his lips away, and Strong Bad distanced his hips from Homestar's. They looked between the crowd of quiet onlookers (some amused, some simply stunned, some sporting 'angry girlfriend' eyes) and themselves. Strong Bad loosened his arms from his neck, but only to grab the doorknob and pull the closet door shut.

"Now... where were we?"


End file.
